As you mature in your relationship, life has a way of preparing you for what lies ahead, and that may not include the French kiss. I guess this is a subtle way of saying, "You get old. While age brings freedom in some ways, it also brings anxiety in others. You learn to adapt and find alternate ways to please the other sexually without kissing and even intercourse.
While a wonderful tool of arousal, the French kiss can be difficult to perform as you grow older. Medical conditions and treatments can change the way our body reacts to certain stimuli, and while the French kiss at one time may have been a perfect source of pleasure, could now be a source of stress.
Unlike portrayed on television or in the movies, life is not a fairytale. Whether married seven years or 27 years, marriage is tough. Through it all, the choice we made to love, honor, and cherish is strong even without the French kiss being a top seller on the kissing menu. Sign in. Join YourTango Experts. Expert Blog. Photo: weheartit. Brenda Descamps. Subscribe to our newsletter. Join now for YourTango's trending articles , top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.
As women, we are particularly reliant on it to weed out partners who might not be quite right. Read more: The four red flags that will spell trouble in any relationship. Of course, there is also the more graphic explanation that the tongue is a metaphor for the penis; the moistness of an open mouth a barometer of female arousal.
But while this kind of kissing — which requires 34 facial muscles and the exchange of a quarter of a cup of saliva — is the norm in mainstream western society, it is far from a global phenomenon. Last year, academics at the University of Nevada and Indiana University found there is no evidence that the romantic-sexual kiss is a universal practice. Nevertheless, some anthropologists still believe we are biologically predisposed to kissing.
Read more: Experts say this is the point when the passion will leave your relationship. I think it would be very difficult for a relationship to survive without kissing with tongues. Try to recreate your kissing habits from the early stages of your relationship — share a kiss on the sofa and before you go to bed. When kissing is likely to be a prelude to sex, use tongues.
Clare Longhurst, 27, is a legal PR from London. To me, it was a sign of a caring personality. On our second date we kissed for 90 minutes in my car until the battery ran out and I had to call the AA. From then on our kisses were long, passionate and usually a prelude to sex.
I define intimacy in sexuality as eye contact, emotional connection and being mentally present. After a long day filled with kids, work and dozens of other responsibilities, married couples just want to feel good without having to put in more time and effort that true intimacy requires. Sometimes a desire for intimacy doesn't show up until you start kissing.
Most individuals want to feel something -- passion, excitement, arousal -- before they kiss. However, in marriage, desire can start after you start kissing, not before. How many times have you thought during sex with your spouse, "Why the heck don't we do this more often? One partner "always" has kissing sexpectations.
When I ask why married couples don't kiss, I often hear, "If we kiss, it always has to lead to sex. Yes, kissing in marriage usually creates more desire to have sex. And there are couples who make an intentional decision to increase kissing and hugging for a week while forgoing sex. The partner with a lower desire for sex will thank the other partner for offering such a guilt-free week.
One partner feels anxious about kissing. What if you could gain more intimacy in your relationship simply by making a choice to kiss more often?
Are you willing to go through some awkwardness and move past your anxiety to get to enjoyment? Center in on being with your partner rather than trying to get to sex. Focus more on how much you care for and love your partner and less on getting something from them.
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